Of Drinking Games
by WillowVilya
Summary: Not what you think...obviously. Because that's what we thought too.
1. Chpater 1

Disclaimer: We own.our little sanity. This is quite predictable.and quite Mary Sue, as we planned purposely. ENJOY  
  
Chapter One: Bonding under the influence  
  
Oh well, it was a good day in Gondor.  
  
Tomorrow they'd be Shire bound.  
  
Well not really, they had only just arrived in Gondor, the city of Minas Tirith to be exact. The company consisted of Pippin, Thain and Took of the Shire, Merry, Master of Buckland, Sam, mayor of Hobbiton, Legolas, Gimli, and of course Aragorn and Arwen.  
  
They were here on no real mission, just to rekindle the old bonds the fellowship had together. Other than the hobbits, they did not see each other often and were reluctant to let these relationships fade.  
  
"Aragorn," Pip said curiously. "I have a serious question for you."  
  
"Yes my friend?"  
  
"What does.bondage.mean?"  
  
Aragorn's face was pensive. "I'm not sure you're ready to learn of such things Pip, especially from me."  
  
"I really want to know!" Pip protested. "I'm an adult now!"  
  
Aragorn sighed. "Later, Pip. What brought this on anyway?"  
  
"Well if ya must know." Pip sighed. "There's an elf here with Legolas, an' she brought along a hobbit friend of hers that her father had raised. She said she wanted to put me in bondage...I think she was joking, though."  
  
"Obviously you can't detect sarcasm well, Mr. Took," said her from behind.  
  
Pip was taken aback. "That.was way too good of timing."  
  
"I still can't believe ye don't know what bondage is," Merry said disapprovingly.  
  
"Well do you know?"  
  
"No."  
  
Pip shook his head in disgust.  
  
"You should know by now," said the mysterious hobbit (an oxymoron to say the least), "You are an adult. You should tell him, Aragorn."  
  
"Now CeNedra," Aragorn said, blushing, "That's not proper for this sort of company."  
  
The hobbit now known as CeNedra walked over to Aragorn, looking up, straight in his eyes. "Tell him," she dared. "Are you man enough?"  
  
"Now CeNedra, do you want me to get the genital cuff?" warned an elf from the doorway.  
  
"Arell!" CeNedra complained. "It was just a bit of fun!"  
  
"And I AM man enough," Aragorn objected through this. "Bondage is a sexual term, Pip. Find out from a lady firsthand."  
  
"Aragorn, you should well know that that is not its only definition. You never know, she could be talking about the clean one," Arell pointed out.  
  
"Arell," Aragorn said, "This is CeNedra."  
  
"Yeah, but she could be trying to embarrass you. Like the time at the tavern."  
  
"Well let's not go into that," Aragorn said quickly. He looked to CeNedra. "Well?"  
  
CeNedra smiled. "Got you."  
  
"You indeed are a cruel creature."  
  
"Aye."  
  
"I'm going to have to beat you," Arell said, frowning.  
  
"Well there you go, getting into bondage again," CeNedra said wickedly.  
  
"You're despicable."  
  
"Aye."  
  
"Wouldja stop saying 'aye'?"  
  
"Aye."  
  
Arell gave CeNedra a dirty look.  
  
"Drinking contest, anyone?" CeNedra asked, changing the subject.  
  
"I'm game," Legolas piped up.  
  
"Don't give me that. You're an elf. You can't feel it."  
  
"I'll take you up," Arell said, looking at Legolas, her competitive streak shining through.  
  
CeNedra shrugged. "It's your loss. Who shall dare challenge me?"  
  
"I shall," spoke up Pip. "On one condition."  
  
"Name it."  
  
"I want to know what bondage is."  
  
"Aye, ye shall if ye beat me."  
  
"What about me?" asked master dwarf...  
  
"Uh.we'd love to," Merry said. "But uh.you're so great.uh.that none of us would stand a chance."  
  
"Oh.right then," said Gimli, smugly.  
  
"Who shall be the judge?"  
  
"I shall! I shall!" Merry piped up.  
  
"Excuse me Master Merry," Sam said, "Maybe I should.you'll probably end up drinking yourself afore this night is over."  
  
Merry's face fell. "Whatever you say, Sam."  
  
The two different groups began staring each other down and exchanging nasty insults (half in Elvish, half in Common), a routine practice before these contests began. Merry was the server of the drinks, even wearing a small apron.  
  
"All righty Mary Sue, I'm gonna drink ye under the table," Pip said seriously.  
  
"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?" CeNedra cried out.  
  
"Mary. Sue."  
  
"What's that mean?"  
  
"What, don't you read fan fiction at all?"  
  
"Er.no."  
  
"Well on the off-chance that you win, I'll tell ye," Pip said smugly.  
  
"Your father was a hamster and your other father smelt of elderberries!" Arell was shouting at the elf.  
  
"May acidic snails eat your bowstrings!" Legolas retorted.  
  
"Look, wouldja please just drink and get it over with?" said Sam. "Merry gave you your drinks a good two minutes ago."  
  
"We're warmin' up here. Don't mess with us," CeNedra said with evil eyes.  
  
"Don't get yer panties in a wad," said Pip.  
  
"I ain't wearing none, Mr. Pip!"  
  
His attempt at a joke quieted the room.  
  
"Right.uh.let's start drinking now," said CeNedra  
  
"Aye, I believe we need it," Pip said. 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two: Triumphant Victors  
  
Many hours later.  
  
"You mangy dog."  
  
"Big Cow."  
  
"Frumpy woman in tights."  
  
Legolas was sitting at the table, perfectly content. "You're not going to beat me."  
  
"You can think that all you want." Arell said equally unaffected. "More drinks!" She demanded; there table already overflowing with empty mugs.  
  
Aragorn looked at them, amused, "I'm cutting you two off."  
  
"C'mon, Legolas is starting to buckle, I can see it!"  
  
"I'm sorry, Arell, but no more."  
  
"Fine, doesn't matter, I was winning anyway."  
  
"Ahem, I believe I was the victor." Legolas argued.  
  
"AHEM, I believe you are so far gone in drink you have absolutely no idea what you are speaking of." They continued to argue.  
  
On the other side of the table, Pippin and CeNedra had both passed out, around the same time. CeNedra was laying facedown on the floor, and Pip was sprawled out next to her.  
  
"Can you really tell who won?" Merry asked Sam.  
  
"Not really.who would you rather win?"  
  
"I know what a Mary Sue is.so I want Pip to win, so I can find out what bondage is."  
  
"Aye, that's one for Pip," said Sam. "Gimli?"  
  
"I must say, young Pip needs a wake-up call," Gimli said shrewdly. "Let 'em win, let 'em learn."  
  
"Let 'em get luvs." Arell said momentarily ceasing the argument.  
  
There was giggling among the conscious. "What about you, Legolas?"  
  
"I go with Gimli on this one."  
  
"Aragorn?"  
  
He laughed. "Pip."  
  
"I AM NOT A EUNICH!" Legolas yelled, Arell laughed evilly. The room quieted.  
  
"I think she wins, just for causing that reaction." Gimli said quietly, thus making the room erupt in laughter, and Legolas to blush deeply.  
  
"I concur." Said Aragorn, chuckling, and with that, Arell began to dance with glee.  
  
The conscious could not help but laugh at the misfortunes of those unconscious. "I can understand Pip and CeNedra, but what happened to Gandalf?" said Aragorn, smiling, referring to a snoring Gandalf poking out from underneath a table.  
  
"I do not envy the headaches that those two will have in the morning," said Legolas.  
  
"It almost is morning," Gimli pointed out.  
  
"We need to get these poor hobbits to bed," Aragorn said. He looked to the rest of them, who looked around the room and whistled innocently. "Fine, I'll get them."  
  
*  
  
Pip awoke the next morning with a searing headache. Merry was in the bed next to his, and Pip rolled over. "Merry.where am I?"  
  
"Minas Tirith, and you my dear, have just won a drinking contest."  
  
Pip's smile was a mile wide. "I knew I would. No one can out-drink me.except maybe you, Merry." He tried to sit up, but immediately felt that was not a good idea. "As soon as CeNedra wakes up, bring her to me," he said. "I'm eager to know what bondage means."  
  
"As am I," said Merry. "In fact, I think I'll check on her now."  
  
Merry left, and returned a few minutes later, practically dragging CeNedra. "All right," said Pip. "What does it mean?"  
  
CeNedra smiled weakly. "Well."  
  
*  
  
Meanwhile in the dining room.  
  
"Come on, one more champagne!" Arell dared. "Betcha can't take it!"  
  
"Arell, give it up," Legolas said with a sigh.  
  
"Never."  
  
"They're sick, aren't they?" Sam said, shaking his head.  
  
"Aye," said Gimli. "Demented souls."  
  
"I'm not doing anything! It's HER!"  
  
Arell muttered something in a cough.  
  
"FOR THE LAST TIME, YOU FEMALE RAINMAN, I AM NOT A EUNICH!!!!!!" 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three: Of Hangovers  
  
Pippin and Merry entered the dining hall, looking very unnerved. Aragorn gave them a puzzled look. "What's wrong, hobbits?"  
  
"We know what bondage means." Pip said, shivering.  
  
Aragorn laughed. Arwen nudged him in the ribs.  
  
"Now, you can't tell me you didn't do the same when I told you," she said softly, almost whispering.  
  
"Well you have to look at it this way," Aragorn said even softer. "You didn't TELL me."  
  
This even made the graceful Arwen blush.  
  
Legolas and Arell were at the other end of the table, arguing about something. "I will not say it!" Legolas said. "Twould be unmanly of me."  
  
"But with your voice you could pull it off!" Arell pointed out. "Please?" she pouted.  
  
"NO!"  
  
Arell put on the saddest face she could muster.  
  
Legolas sighed. "I'm a little teapot short and stout."  
  
Arell giggled insanely. "YAY!"  
  
Gimli was sitting beside Legolas, trying not to laugh. "Sissy elf."  
  
Legolas did a double take. "Wha - I didn't know YOU were sitting there!"  
  
The dwarf smiled smugly.  
  
At this point CeNedra walked in, her hand pressed slightly against her forehead. "Morning," she said. "I guess."  
  
"Not happy this morning?" Pip piped up. "I obviously take my drink better."  
  
"Look, I have a hangover and I had to explain bondage to an ignorant hobbit. Don't mess with me."  
  
"Mary Sue."  
  
"I don't even have the energy to care what that means." She walked to the table and took up a beer. "Perhaps some more would ease the pain."  
  
Pip laughed. "Yeah right."  
  
"Do you have to talk so loudly?"  
  
"Yes. I told you that you were drinking too much."  
  
"Would you please stop?" she said, moaning.  
  
Pip laughed and got up from the table. "Well I'm off to cause some havoc around the castle. Care to join me, Merry?"  
  
"But of course."  
  
The two skipped merrily from the room.  
  
"Bet they're gay."CeNedra muttered.  
  
"Many slashers believe the same," said Legolas wisely.  
  
"What's a slasher?"  
  
"You really need to start reading fanfiction. Anyway they're cousins. And innocent. Do not judge them so hastily."  
  
"Fine," CeNedra huffed, muttering under her breath.  
  
Aragorn smiled. "Can't we all just get along?"  
  
"No, then where would the story go?" asked Arell.  
  
"Good point."  
  
Sam idly walked from one end of the room to the other, and back again. "I wish Mr. Frodo were here."  
  
Legolas looked to CeNedra, and whispered, "Now Sam on the other hand, is not related to Mr. Frodo, so we wonder about him sometimes."  
  
This caused CeNedra to laugh, the first time she had done so all day. 


	4. Chapter 4

_This story is continued for my personal pleasure. May others enjoy.  
  
_Though they were together again, it still was for some reason almost boring for the fellowship members. Perhaps it could have been the lack of things to kill. All this pent up energy was too much for some of the group. Well, basically the hobbits. To add to this, a storm front had swept in causing most to reside indoors. Also, you must remember, there was no cable to keep them occupied.  
  
All sat in the great all talking idly in the midst of a great storm swirling above them. Arell and Legolas were in deep competition in the middle of the floor, a game of chess before them. Aragorn and Gimli had previously removed all weapons from them. Gimli was waiting to play winner.  
  
The three hobbit males were in a circle around CeNedra and Arwen who were dealing out Sam's fortune on a deck of cards. And a disturbing fortune it was.  
  
_"According to the cards, the person you have picked as the ace of clubs can do some serious damage with a cat o nine tails..."_ The group burst again into giggles, except for Sam who was giving Arell a disturbed look. As the questions got more and more serious he fled from the room and the laughter that followed him down the hallway. CeNedra winked at Arwen.  
  
_"One down, two more to go..."_  
  
Aragorn had recently picked up a lute and was strumming it quietly whilst listening to the conversations/banter of his dear friends.  
  
Dinner came slowly and eventually for the group, as the almost ran into the dining hall, Gimli riding on the shoulders of Legolas and Aragorn, him being the champion of chess. Arell marching huffily behind along with Pip and Merry looking shocked, as well as Arwen and CeNedra smiling smugly.  
  
After feasting on a large meal of venison and, for CeNedra, meatloaf they settled for bed.  
  
Cold winds and great thunderclaps whistled through the dark halls. The inside of the castle was nearly as alive as the outside. In one of the smaller rooms a large sheet/tent was erected and pajama clad persons were hiding underneath with a lantern.  
  
_"I wonder what Gimli's pajamas look like..."_ CeNedra snickered.  
  
_"I don't think he wears any."_ Sam said. Many _'ew's_ came from the tent.  
  
_"Okay, enough of that, now tell us more, CeNedra!_" Pip begged.  
  
_"You sure you want to know more?"  
_  
_"Yes! No one ever told us anything like that in Buckland!"_ Merry cried.  
  
_"Well, okay then. First what you do is take the peanut butter..."_  
  
A huge bolt of lightening shook the very foundations of Minas Tirith, Arell skidded down the hallways, past the hobbits room, past Gimli's, and straight into a certain long-haired elf's.  
  
Gown clad and clutching a stuffed Oliphant doll, she jumped in the large bed and curled into a fetal position. Legolas was startled awake.  
  
_"What in earth's name are you doing!"_ Arell sunk lower into the covers.  
  
"_Sleeping, what's it look like."_ She muttered through a soft blanket.  
  
_"Yes, but why in my bed? You're not afraid of the storm are you?"_ No answer. "_You're such a girl"_ He sighed.  
  
_"Wow, I am amazed how little time it took you to figure that one out."_ She kicked him and stretched out to steal one of his pillows. _"Now if you excuse me, I would like to go to bed."  
_  
_"Oh, I am so sorry to bother you."  
_  
_"As you should be."  
_  



End file.
